At 17 I took one drink and knew instantaneously I had a problem with alcohol. I was warned it was a disease I was born with, and the only way to rid of it was to never pick up, stop if I did pick up, or die trying. On the verge of self destruction and eventual death, I was brought to my knees 10 years later saved by the grace of God.
It started with being raped by my former best friend in the back seat of his car. My body frozen in fear. My mouth unable to release words into the air. Tears streaming down my cheeks with no end in sight. After he finished, he drove me home. I threw up every ounce of alcohol and pizza consumed along with bile, shame and regret.
The next day badly bruised, I thought it was my fault and he told me it was. I began eating my feelings and developed an over eating disorder. When I wasn’t eating, I was drinking to numb the guilt, shame and remorse. The spiral down the drain looked more promising than a life full of success.
Somehow I managed to become a high functioning alcoholic throughout college and my professional career, but I didn’t hide it very well. Showing up hungover or still drunk at work, I was fired from my first corporate job by 25, blew through $30,000 in 2 years and almost lost my first home. I could not manage my drinking, my food addiction was at the top of its game and I was suicidal. After a tumultuous breakup, I stopped drinking for 3 months and went to Alcoholics Anonymous. Unfortunately, I didn’t stay sober, because I wasn’t hearing the messages from my Higher Power. I relapsed, and I am lucky to share these stories and moments with you today.
After 6 relapses, a few near death experiences and losing all of my friends and family one by one because of my disease, I realized I had a choice: Get clean or die. I went to the bar for my last alcoholic drink. I called my father and asked for help. All he could offer me was, “Just stop drinking”, and I thought to myself, ‘It is NOT that simple! How am I going to do this on my own?’ It turns out I wasn’t alone through any of this.
The next day, I woke up and went to church. Something was different in the way I heard the message. I went home and started to bawl my eyes out. I dropped to my knees and I begged God for forgiveness and strength to conquer this terrible disease of addiction. I asked Him for a solution and a way out. As I did this, God told me to research ways on how to recover. He brought me to a Crossfit gym on September 18th, 2013, introduced me to my angel that guided me for 90 days through training and consistent, healthy behaviors and helped me recover from drugs, alcohol and overeating.
Today I live a life of abundance, prosperity and love. I have 5 1/2 years of sobriety, and recovery awarded me with the love of my life, a successful coaching business and a beautiful relationship with my Higher Power of my understanding. My life’s purpose and work is helping professional women recover from emotional eating and underlying addictions. I speak internationally about being brave in your message, finding your true purpose and rising from the ashes you once were. I see you. I hear you. I love you.