Pain and tribulations enter our lives and try to destroy us from within. They begin small, but they grow, multiply and overwhelm us when we don’t know how to stop the pain because we’re trying to deal with it on our own . . . without God, and it persists until we find Him.
I’d lived a married life of pure misery for 12 years, out of a total of 22 years of being together. It was a life of drugs, pornography, adultery, lies, and suffering. I was fighting every day to survive but each day seemed to get more and more grim. A wife living with a husband who has a substance abuse problem is very devastating. I spent my time trying to help a person who didn’t want my help. It literally came to a place where he had chosen drugs over his family. I tried leaving on many occasions, but I would always fall for his manipulation and lies and would end up staying. My spiritual mom, stopped me from leaving once, saying it was because God had told her to tell me that, “All my sufferings were not in vain and that I had to complete this assignment in order to do His work, a women’s ministry.”
Although the family was active in church, trouble escalated as the years went on; there were no resources, and no hope. It got to a point where I came home to a place where I didn’t want to be, around a very moody, emotionally abusive, and unloving husband and dealing with unhappy children who were used to a loving environment before marriage.
By the time my daughter was graduating from high school and going off to college, she said the one thing that I thought I would never hear from her: “I’ll never come back home as long as you are with him.” I was crushed! She was sick and tired of how he treated us and felt that I deserved better. My son shut down, spent most of his time in his bedroom only coming out to go outdoors or to eat.
The situation grew so bad and unbearable that I eventually left the house, feeling like I was losing my mind. God knew not to allow me to get comfortable because He knew I would not go back home (as I promised I would). I was sick the entire time until I went back. I was determined to make sure that I did everything God wanted me to do, so I went back home. He had already spoken to me about renewing our vows when we got back together, so I did (crazy huh). Things were still the same and got worse.
No one but my spiritual mom knew that I was going through such “hell” at home. I would say to God, “There must be a mighty calling on my life for me to put up with this mess!” It was nothing for me to hit the road, so this was definitely God at work. Now I would find myself enraged and God would say things like, “He keeps you before me, doesn’t he?” I could not do anything but laugh. I would cry on a regular basis to God and ask why my husband didn’t love me. God soothed over the agony, saying, “No one can love you more than me.” Talk about the school of hard knocks — I got a master’s degree!
Through all of my trials and tribulations, I would get revelation after revelation in the Word of God, because I kept seeking Him. Finally, my spiritual mom called me and said with the sincerest voice, “You cannot continue like this. You have dark circles around your eyes, your hair is falling out, you are always weak and feeling sick, this is not like you; God is going to fix it and soon,” and she hung up. At this point I felt life was being drained out of me and that I was dying. The next night was the beginning of new life for me.
One year and four months after we renewed our wedding vows, my husband and I had a few petty words, nothing serious; something we both would normally overlook. But for some reason he would not let it go.
What transpired next is more like a movie scene. I could not get out of the house to save my life! I was standing in front of a raving mad man jabbing at me with a knife. The next thing I knew, he lifted his hand to stab me. All I could do was close my eyes and say, “Lord here I am!” (Can you imagine looking at the person who is supposed to love you unconditionally and not recognizing him?) I knew I was dead, so I just released myself unto God. But Oh God!!! Our Heavenly Father came right in and took over; the battle was between God’s angels and the demon in my husband. The mad man started stabbing the door next to my head, slicing me on the neck one of the times the knife came down. The wound opened wide and started bleeding profusely. My husband snapped out of the trance he was in and said, “Oh my God!” Blood was running everywhere, and I began to panic and cry, but God said, “Stop crying”; instantly I did. My husband was running around like a “new” mad man with a different plan – to save my life!
I was trying to get to the phone and call 911 and he was trying to gather his thoughts. When I called, he hung up the phone, saying he would call, but the 911 operator called back. My husband answered. The operator asked if someone had called and he said yes. He explained that his wife called because we had a small disagreement and he got upset and threw a glass and hit me. The 911 operator asked, “Is she bleeding?” and he said I was. She said, “We are sending a car right now” and hung up on him. In the meantime, God is still talking to me. He said, “Forgive him now.” I was a little perplexed by this request, but I heeded Him and said “Okay.”
I called my spiritual mom and told her what happened. I had a hard time convincing her, because of the balm of peace that surpasses all understanding that was in my voice. She reluctantly agreed, figuring I had cooked up some sort of “surprise birthday party” for her, since it would be her birthday at the stroke of midnight which was in about a half hour. My husband couldn’t wait any longer for the police, so he took me to the emergency room, where the potential seriousness of the injury became reality for me. After stitching me up, the doctor said that the knife was only a couple of inches away from my main artery, inches away from killing me.
The police arrested my husband at the hospital and charged him with aggravated assault (a felony). Now it was the State of Georgia vs. him, with him looking at up to 20 years prison time. He spent a couple of weeks in jail until he posted bail. The judge did not want to grant him bail but, after asking if I was okay with it, she granted his request. A year later, he was sentenced to five years of probation, another charge of “family battery,” a fine, and other legal obligations and restrictions that apply – just about everything I’d asked the District Attorney’s Office for. I could have made things much worse, but God gave me chance after chance to show His love towards my brother in Christ.
This is not the entire story. My husband and I eventually divorced for six years, and now we are remarried (seven years in June 2019). But this brief snippet gives you a good idea of the years of heartache and pain, irritation and frustration that I have gone through in order to birth Marvelous Light Empowerment Association, Inc., which houses Woman University, Dare To Be Beautiful, and the Rare Jewel Experience, my “treasures of darkness.” My relationship with God has grown in leaps and bounds, and I know that I am closer to my destiny each day. He provided the balm that soothed the pain and irritant in this pearl and allowed me to move on.
What is the treasure that lies dormant in you, waiting to be born? What wondrous, marvelous “rare jewel” can you become if you could cloak life’s challenges in layers of understanding of God’s word? Don’t miss the opportunity to get closer to God and His promises. Come on out and bring your treasures . . . I am waiting for you!