Tahira Bharmal
Waking up feeling like a complete failure is the lowest point I have been at! It was 4 years since I had had my daughter, bless her! When I had her, I had said I would do 2 years as a stay at home mum and then get back into my career. 4 years later I was still a stay at home mother and I was doing a few things for myself, but it wasn’t enough.
I found myself on the bathroom floor bawling my eyes out for hours and having thoughts I am not proud of! I wanted to take my passport and bolt and run away! I just wanted out. I was feeling trapped.
I knew at some level I was a great mother, but in that moment I was feeling like I was failing at everything – I wasn’t a good mother, I wasn’t a good wife, I wasn’t doing anything for myself – I was failing! I was angry at everyone around me – I was mad at my husband, I blamed him. I spent hours crying on that floor feeling completely defeated!
After 4 hours of crying, I submitted my will to God! I stood up and remember getting into the shower saying “I can’t do this anymore – I am leaving it up to You and You need to look after me, I am not this person, I don’t want to be this person. Help me!”
It is clear as day to me even today, I was standing in the shower after asking for help and it came to me: I was in control of my life. I was making the choices. No body asked me – I chose to be there at that point. I had options and I had to take in on me to change it to how I wanted.
I got out of the shower feeling like I had gone through a deep cleansing and a transformation. As the Universe had it, one of my friends called (not knowing what had just happened) suggesting I read this book (Awaken the Spirit Within by Rebecca Rosen) because it was going to help me. She had no idea why she felt the need to tell me this, but there it was!
What proceeded was me getting on my Kindle and getting the book. As I sat at the kitchen table to eat something, my phone beeped and it was one of the bloggers I had met virtually sending me a message about a conference happening in LA for women online content developers and they had an early bird special going on!
This was it – this was what I asked for and it was coming to me, I would be a fool not to seize the opportunity. I grabbed my laptop, checked the dates – told the hubby he needed to take a week off work in August (we were still in January) to watch our daughter because I was going to LA. I was determined to make it happen for me!
That was just the start of things happening. And it all happened because I lifted the limitations I had placed on myself! I wasn’t tapping into the power that was deep within me, I was giving in to my fears and limiting myself.
I was doing all of this unconsciously.
After I had my AHA moment, I became mindful and promised myself I would never doubt my power again.
I may not have all the resources I wish for, but I have resources and how I use those to live a life I love and function as my best authentic self is entirely upon me. And truth be told, I am blessed abundantly and my situation is not as harsh as some other women out there. I really had nothing to complain about, I have a great support system and people who believe in me!
I know I am not able to control the outcome of any situation, but I can work hard and give it my best and let it go.
I am happy to say today I function from a space so true to me and I work hard and give it my all with all I have with the truest intention and then I release it and allow it manifest as is best for me and everyone around me!
The conditioning we go through from birth onwards plays enough of a part to place limitations on us, I do not need to add to those and even play into them.
I am that I am!
As I write this, I am immensely grateful to God for everything in my life and all my experiences because they shape who I am and provide me with a newfound respect for all that I am blessed with!
My mission is to live authentically and allow a space for everyone to do the same. I am an advocate for education, gender issues, ending poverty and giving people the power of themselves. We all have an inherent power within us that just needs to be tapped into!
I wish love and light on all. God Bless!
